http://lawford.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] lawford.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] lizzledpink 2010-10-12 02:28 pm (UTC)

nice

Well written and good pacing. One gentle point:

He once asked me if he wanted me to stop flirting, and I told him no, because Jack without flirting is like space without time – there’s no meaning.”

Shouldn't this be "He once asked me if I wanted him..."
(98 comments)

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